Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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