I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
