i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
