We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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