god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
