he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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