Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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