My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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