Plan B is the new Plan A
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i barfeds in our rink
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
