If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
