the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize