I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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