last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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