how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
