At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
