that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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