I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
