Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
