And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
