He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
