theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
