I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
