I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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