People in love make me want to vomit
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
