my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
