he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
