I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
