I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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