im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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