omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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