It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
