I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
