I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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