If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
