i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize