How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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