im holly from the hills drunk
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
