Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You can't special order awesome
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I am available for nakedness
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
