I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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