I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize