So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
