You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
