I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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