Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
