You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
