shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
