I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
