He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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