my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
