I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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