Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
