just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize