It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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