do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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