slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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