She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
