herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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