idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
