But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
