and you said cock pushups were impossible
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
