So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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