porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
