the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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