It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
