3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
