No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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