Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
