I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
