can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
