Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
