dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You are the jesus of drinking
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
