There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
