dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
