i barfeds in our rink
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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