i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize