I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
where am i from again
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize