I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
