Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
