Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
as a side note pls kill me
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
